Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
