Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
