Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
