He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
