1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
