She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
