This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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