I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
