I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
