i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
