haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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