She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
