I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
