:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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