I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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