Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
