Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
