I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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