babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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