Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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