Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
