so that wasnt chicken after all
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
