At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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