You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
