R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
