And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
