dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
