Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
