Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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