i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
