Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Randomize
