Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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