Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
