walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These tits shall not be calmed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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