I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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