...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
