but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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