I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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