There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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