He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
