I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
