i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
