Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
