it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
