in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
