Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
