Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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