I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
