Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
