Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
