You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
