The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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