I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
