The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
