I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
